Surrendering of All by Marietjie

Galatians 2:20 It is no longer I that live....
I have been crucified with Christ...
You are dead and your life is hid with Christ in God. Col 3:3

My person - not my personality have died.

The "in Him" 's cannot be realized as long as we are still "alive" in our flesh. As long as I cling to my own person and will and rights, I am not buried 'in Him".

The"one another" 's will be almost an impossibility; unless we are satisfied with faking it; until we believe and live the "I am dead" revelation.

Those who are dead, empty of self, can be filled to overflowing with Him through the indwelling Holy Spirit. The indwelling of Christ brings with it a load of benefits: - The will of God, The power of God, The redemption of God, The purpose of God, The love of God, The grace of God, and all that is Jesus Christ to the point of this mortal body becoming quickened, made alive by the same power - the fullness of the Godhead.

The person is crucified with Christ. The personality is alive to God. The person with the sin, self and flesh.... The person of Jesus Christ was crucified and so were you and I. My personality, the way I am or my hard wire, is still living but now these members of mine that is on earth are only alive to God. My person is dead. Christ in you the hope of glory Col 1:27, 2:20

So how should we live then?? Collosians 2:6 As you have received Christ walk in Him. Walk by the Spirit of God. Be led by the Spirit of God instead of driven by our ambitions, traditions, insecurities, fears and self. Religious spirits are will-worship, self-worship. Those with a stronger, more stubborn, more tenacious will, is better at being religious than others. Let there be less of me and more of Him. Live every moment by His Spirit. Live by His anointing. " Whatever is not by the Anointing, the Spirit of God is Anti-Christ." Dale Frasier.

How do we live now? Col3 If we are raised with Christ... seek the things above... for you died and your life has been hidden with Christ in God. If this is truly true, then I cannot go outside of Christ. Whatever I do outside of Christ, His Spirit, His anointing will accomplish death. There is only life inside of Christ. Like a child or person that is allergic to everything has to live in a plastic bubble, we also have our life inside our bubble. To go outside of our limit will not only cause us to loose "life" - zoe- but spread and proliferate death and darkness.

Put to death the parts, the members, the attachments that are on the earth - this temporal realm. Romans 6 shows us that we are dead to sin and should reckon ourselves to be dead. Romans 7 shows us that we are dead to the law, religion and it's will-worship but Romans 8 shows us the New Life in Christ Jesus that is now ours to manifest. Most of us has no problem with Romans 6. Although we still want to accomplish this for ourselves and so land squarely in Romans 7. From there the controversy about the interpretation of this chapter. Those who wants to live in Romans 7 will live in it - always trying but never overcoming, since the doing or trying to do the will of God and living the Christ-life in our own will and strength will always bring us to the point of crying out:" who will deliver me from this body of sin?!". Jesus has already done it.

Living by the law, tradition and religion is as much " death"( separation from God) as living in sin. It is only as we reckon ourselves dead... Paul said; in me, in my flesh, in my person, dwells no good thing.....only as we see ourselves dead can we take on the new life - this Christ Life. Only as we let go, can we enter.

God said in the beginning that a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. There can be no cleaving without first a leaving. If we want to be one with Christ Jesus, if we want to cleave to Him, we have to leave sin, self and satan. (self = will-worship, religion, our own efforts)

Jesus said: "Take up your cross and follow me". What He was saying was: I am dying to myself. I am being killed in my person and do as I do. Come follow me to death to self. The Bible said that Jesus had no sin and that Satan had nothing in Him but He still had a self, a person and that is what we see in Gethsemane. " Not my will but Thine." And in Hebrews: " Though He was the Son, learned obedience by the things that He suffered." And Paul saying that he must fill up what was lacking in Christ's suffering. Christ's suffering for "self"s crucifixion He did for Himself and so must each of us. We must crucify ourselves and our own passions and desires, so that He may live in and through us. This suffering is the "cross" of each of us. "Death-to-self" we must do. How? By faith and grace,by giving over and giving up, by letting and let not, by the permission we give or not give.... let not sin dwell in you. Let love be multiplied...etc.

Put to death... This is my job and your job. God won't do it for us.

I am dead. You are dead. Our lives are hid with Christ in God!!

EPHESIANS 4 : 7-12 by Marietjie

If you are not being equiped or equipping the saints for work of ministry, you are failing to use the gift that Jesus Christ gave to the church, the Body , the Kingdom of God. If you reckon yourself to be part of the five(four)-fold ministry - doma gifts- , are you equipping the saints for work of ministry?? This does not say that the apostles, prophets, evangelists and pastor-teachers should do all the work of ministry. They are to equip the saints to do it. Any work the doma gifts does, is to have the sole purpose of demonstrating to the saints how to do the work of ministry.

The Bible never, in the New Testament, teaches the one-man-show method. It always speaks of more than one elders. It always speaks of bringing all into maturity. There is no New Testament scripture for keeping people in eternal infancy, dependant on a human leader to "moses" them. We are constantly encouraged and admonished to grow up into all that Jesus has completed for us.

Religious empires belong to the Old Testament paridigmn with little to no basis in the New Testament. We are all equal; though differently gifted, each looking out to help and assist one another. The Beehive method of church is totally man made.

We cannot pick and choose pieces of the Old Testament/Covenant to carry on because it suits our human sensibilities. We either embrace the New Covenant and the new way of thinking or not. Does the writers of the epistles in vain warns against this? For the Jews of the first century church it was circumcision that they had a hard time letting go off. Today we cling to tithing, a pastor-priesthood and temple(church)-worship.

Have we really so little faith in God , that we have to have these security blankets???

Jesus's first miracle that is recorded, was to change water into wine. Now water speaks of life but wine is more than life. It is a New Testament type of the Holy Spirit. Wine also signifies happiness, freedom, and fun. The problem with most religious legalists is that they take the wine and turn it into water and so become Anti- Christ or Anti-Anointing.

The Holy Spirit cannot be predicted or controlled. He does what He wants. - which is in essence what the Father and the son, Jesus Christ, wants. Men, mankind, humans are not easily controlled by another when they are full of wine, drunk. Yet the New Testament teaches us to be continually filled with the Holy Spirit.

Be under the influence of the Holy Spirit as often as an alcoholic will run to booze. This will make you a disgusting person to anyone who has a religious, legalistic, controlling spirit and you will be mocked and discounted as crazy. But then just go back and do as an alcoholic does and drown your sorrows in the Holy Spirit. Be totally inebriated with the Holy Spirit.

If you keep doing this, it will soon begin to affect your personality and even your physical body. You will begin to exude typical "alcoholic" behavior and your body will loose some of it's "normal" functions - where "normal" is defined as that which the majority are and does". You will begin to walk and talk like someone who has a habit or addiction - led by the Holy Spirit. You will loose your appetite for that which once were appetizing. You will want to associate with other "drunks" - Holy Spirit junkies. Your life will be consumed by this "substance". Your family and friends may want to run an intervention to keep you from fanaticism and deception. They cannot comprehend why you would want to do this to yourself. Soon you will be joined by some and ostracised by some.

A wise man once said: "Believe it or test it." If you do not believe it you will find yourself judging it and judging always includes pride.

Worship in Spirit and in Truth...



John 4 :23 God wants us to worship Him in spirit and in truth. He seeks those who worship in spirit and in truth.The Bible says that God is a spirit and those who worship Him must worship Him in spirit and in truth. There is a time coming and already began that the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth.



There is something in the Presence of God... When we worship in truth and in spirit it brings the Presence of God. There is something that comes from true worship that brings me past the pain of my human experience. This is what caused John Huss to worship at the stake while the flames consumed his feet. This is what made martyrs embrace the lions, the guillotine, the axe, sword or firing squad. This is what brings worship into a prison while your legs and knees are broken or your back stripped of flesh. There is a reality that transcend this meager existence and it is accessible through worship - true worship. As it is in heaven it becomes on earth as we worship in spirit and in truth.



To be a worshipper in spirit involves the whole being. The movement of "air" -pneuma G - brings a picture of dancers and flags and banners. Spiritual worship involved our heart and desire, emotion and all that makes us who and what we are. " With all our might", "With all our heart" , "With everything that is in there." Ps 103



God is spirit. If we worship in spirit we "speak" a language He relates to. Spiritual worship enters into God's dimension. The opposite of "in Spirit" is flesh: "what can be stripped off". If flesh is defined as that which can be stripped off then what is spirit can be defined as " what cannot be stripped off". That which is eternal, that cannot fade away. So, a test to know if a thing pertains to flesh or spirit could be to ask the question: A thousand years from now, will this matter? God is spirit, God is love, God is eternal - so these are also without end or beginning for that matter, also without limits. As God is without limits, so are His attributes or environment.



In spirit... in His realm, in His matrix. To worship God effectively we must enter into who and what He is: Spirit. There is a desire to meet God in His realm - the spirit realm - since that is also where we are in communion with Him. Here we share sweet secrets and intimate knowledge.



But we must also worship in truth - althea G-. Worship in what is. The raw reality of where we are and what is real. What this says is that we have to find the balance in how to be spiritual without becoming "mind-over-matter" or floating balloons. There is a place where the hard reality and the fact is, where we have to present the truth. Here we have to ask as Pilate did: " What is truth?" What is and stays true in any matter of consideration? The opposite of feigned, fictitious and false is truth.



It is to be honest and live honestly. It is to have no hidden agenda's and motives. It is to be humble in facing the truth about ourselves and our behavior. It is to cling to that which is true in the face of voices and circumstances that breaks like waves of contradiction over us. It is in doing all to stand, holding on to the truth of the gospel and nothing else. Jesus said; " I am the Truth."



Only this kind of worship will lead to the kind of intimacy that breeds great faith. Only in spirit and in truth will we find true spiritual intercourse with Him from whom we receive our life.

This Thing Called Faith. 

While praying for my brother I was talking to God about the covenant of our fathers and mothers and grandparents. Remembering my maternal grandmother's prayers in her last few years for each of her seven children, their spouses and children, as we shared a room and she presumed me asleep. I started telling God how I don't believe in the blessing from and of people anymore because of experience and history. From inside my spirit, His Spirit spoke, " Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

Faith is conceived at intimacy with God. Great faith comes from great intimacy with God. Jesus knew this and as a man, He spend great amounts of time with God alone. You cannot be intimate, open and honest in trust with someone if the two of you are never together alone. David became the person he was because of the years alone with God behind the sheep.

I have to hear to see. Seeing is never a prerequisite of faith, but hearing is. Faith is a substance of things unseen, and if you believe you will see God. Seeing is revelation. Revelation is the result or outcome or culmination of faith not the cause of it. If we believe we will see. If we believe we will receive. If we believe we will....

Mystery is part of who God is. We can only know Him by revelation. Revelation comes from the Holy Spirit. There is NO revelation without the Holy Spirit and that requires faith. You have to faith it to let the Holy Spirit teach you.

Faith, believe, comes from hearing the living, "now" word of God. That is why Jesus said, "Those who have ears let them hear" and not those who have eyes let them see. With words God created the universe and with words we preach in such a way that people believe. Words, living words, "now" words, spoken in faith, which in turn brings revelation.
Faith comes from "hearing" not having heard. We need a fresh word. Jesus was constantly in communion with the Father. A fresh word from the Father infuse us with faith. - Faith is the currency of the Kingdom -

Seeking to see in order to believe is creating a horse-behind-the-cart situation. We walk by faith and not by sight 2 Cor 5 v 7. Faith comes from the Rhema - living, alive, spoken by a voice - Holy Spirit-inspired, word that has the power to create, by growing like a seed - the seed of Mark 4 and Luke 4. There is an internal faith that comes from hearing. This faith is the kind that grows inside of us and brings the God of Heaven here to the earth. True faith, authentic faith does come from hearing and it becomes an inward reality.

Untill now I believed that it was okay if people's faith comes from miracles, healings, signs and wonders but I now understand that this is why the multitude left Jesus. Their faith was a seeing faith. The substance was not there. Seeing faith is external faith. It is faith that you do not own. It makes people run from event to event, trying to see a new thing and basically being entertained. This kind of faith does not last. It has no more substance than the emotional high or low we get from a Holywood movie. It needs to be kept amazed and in wonder. It makes the poor pastor work hard to keep them interested and it gave birth to the "seeker sensitive" idea.

Those that have faith that comes by the living word of God, have an internal, lasting, growing faith. This is the kind of faith that is able to save, sanctify and reveal God to us and through us. This faith will transform our inward man daily untill we also glow with His Divine presence and carry with us the aroma that brings change.

Where I see no evidence in my experience or history of the value of human blessing... Where I saw the flaw of the human factor... Where people's blessing meant pain... God says, "Have faith, when there is no evidence that can be seen." Faith is the substance when the facts or history shows no substance. Have Faith!

Tempted by the Devil 
Jesus was tempted by the Devil, would we escape?

After forty days and forty nights fasting in the wilderness Jesus was hungry. It is a legitimate need and not in itself sin. But the tempter used this need for a springboard for his attack. We all have legitimate needs. The need for safety, love, food, sex, companionship, adventure and entertainment and more. All these are God given needs that is part of being human. In itself there is nothing wrong with any of these. Yet it may become the opening the enemy use for attack.

The tempter came near to Him. He could not attack from a distance. It had to be close combat. As close as it possibly could. We learn two things from this statement. The enemy is not omnipresent and when those closest to us are acting in a way that we know this is out of their nature and norm, remember that our wrestling is not against flesh and blood. Remember that in order for us to be tempted as our Master it will be close combat and that as we wrestle that we have to separate the person from the attack.

Lets consider the tempter's attacks on our Savior.

First attack was on His identity as the Son of God. Identity is always the first target. It was with Adam and Eve. " Who are you and who is your God?" On our identity hinges our confidence, faith, security and trust. If you know who you are you have confidence and security. If they know who you are they will have faith and trust. The question of identity is always foundational. To believe in Jesus Christ is to believe in His true identity: He is the Son of God who came as man to rectify all that was wrong with man, so that we could become acceptable to God the Father.

Identity carries a measure of authority. If I am the Queen of England my authority will match the position. If I am a son of God my authority will match this identity.

Identity also includes destiny. You are Peter and on this rock I will build my church and the gates of hell will not stand against it and I will give you the keys... As a child of God I am destined to inherit the Kingdom of Heaven

Jesus did not ignore the attack but spoke to it with the authority of God's word. The second part of the first attack was to tempt Jesus to proof His identity by going against the spirit of His nature. His nature was to sacrifice Himself and give. Now He was tempted to use His anointing and authority for self serving purposes; to fulfill a legitimate need, yet, this is the hook of the temptation: Self or others.
He chose to focus on the spiritual and not this earthly needs but that which is eternal. He lifted His vision higher and locked unto that which cannot be shaken.

For the second attack the Devil actually take the Son of God. He, Jesus, the one of all authority is being taken by the Devil. He is captured and taken somewhere, where he did not mean to go but He let the Devil take Him. Jesus is taken by the Devil.
The Place of the second attack shows us that the Devil understood something about God that most of the church are still ignorant of. God cares about places. This city is God's favorite. He loves this place.

The Devil take Jesus to a place He loved and are familiar and comfortable with. You'd think that Jesus would have home court advantage. Just because the Devil take us to a place we know and are secure in does not mean that we are safe. Watch out when you are taken to a place of intimacy, security and "warm fuzzies" and it was not by God's doing.

The attack is inherently the same as the first one. The hook is slightly differently baited. The attack is still His identity: If you are the Son of God. The hook is not a legitimate need anymore. Now it is a right out challenge to look and sound right for the wrong reasons. To proof yourself the Son of God throw yourself down. And now the devil reveals himself as a quick learner. He quotes scripture. Speaking God's word and trying to sound like God is a trick he does with much effectiveness. Making you do something that even looks like your mission. Jesus did come to sacrifice himself. Yet in it is also revealed that God cares about the time and method. It matters how and when His will is done.

Jesus comes back with a relational answer quoted from the scriptures. It is the best answer. Tempting God by doing something stupid and presumptuous has more christians in trouble than outright sin. We jump and hope God will send His angels to catch us. We have very little discernment and not enough relationship to notice that the scripture quoted to us was not from God's Holy Spirit but an impostor pretending to be Him.
Jesus' come-back was basic and solid. Follow the temptation to the last ripple. See the last and final affect and see if it will first honor and glorify God. Then if it will affect and how will it effect the relationship between you and God. And then also what will be the ultimate result. What will it accomplish? What would it accomplish if Jesus jumped and was caught or not?

The third attack leaves Jesus again in the control of the Devil who takes Him to a high mountain. Now he shows Him the prize that is to be His. Jesus is to receive the Kingdoms of this world and their glory. That is the promise of the Father. The temptation seemed different from the first two. Now it is not cloaked or subtle. It is as direct as a knife at your throat.

The Devil just comes openly with what he wants. He declares what he wants and promise what you want. This almost sounds like a mafia offer: too good to refuse. There is so much wrong with this offer.

Reaching the desired and promised end our own way and in our own time by making a covenant with the devil in essence worships him. How do we worship the devil? Out an out- most often not. We do it by obeying him and doing things at his time and in his way and in so doing letting him be our master. See Jesus' response: Go, Satan for it is written Worship belongs to God and Him alone. Serve Him only.

This blatant but final: Who do you serve? Who gets your worship, your awe, your wonder? Where is your passion, devotion and excitement of your soul? What is it that your soul loves? What do you choose?

The other thing to consider about all three these attacks is that the temptation was the same as in Eden, to act on the word of the devil instead of the word of God. Acting on the word of God includes creative ability. His word creates. It has authority to perform and accomplish. It accomplishes it's purpose when used with faith and obedience. The word of the Devil always delivers destruction. It destroys, kills and steals. From these fruit we can learn to recognize the sound, tone and content of the Devils voice as oppose to the voice of God.

Only Believe.....




All that is required of us to be saved is to believe. We believe in the name of Jesus and we are born again. This is a reality as real as the sun that shine or the love in our hearts. No-one will argue with you if you say you are in love, lonely sad etc.... and just like that we are born again. And according to John 1 we are born into the family of God and become children of God and have a whole new future. All this blessings and inheritance because we believed.

For most people christian and non-christian this is not so far fetched anymore. "Believe" has became a term people can relate to. But now we have to go and look at the rest of the commission. Jesus did not only commission us to go and make disciples. He also said something will accompany those who believe.... Signs, wonders and miracles...

Somewhere else He said: this same things I do you will do and greater. What did Jesus do and say? Luke, who wrote both the gospel of Luke and the book of Acts, said in the opening statement of Act: The former things I wrote about what Jesus of Nazareth both did and said. If your belief does not reach into your experience it is worth nothing. James wrote a letter about this. We are so familiar with it that we have lost the meaning of it. This was not and is not given so that we can have some doctrinal dispute about faith and works. We have to understand that faith has to affect our experience. Our behavior, our habits, our day to day, rubber meets the road has to be changed by what we believe or it is dead. It means absolutely nothing.

An experience without the faith is worthless as well, according to James. So it is when the two are well mixed that we get what Jesus had. He had faith in God and walked it out. Remember while walking on this earth He walked as man; filled, after His baptism, with the full measure of the Holy Spirit; but still as man. He modeled a way of life for us. He preached a message: The Kingdom of heaven is here! The Kingdom of God has come! Then He modelled what it looks like when the Kingdom is here. He brought Heaven to earth. The Kingdom of God is perfect and there is no death, decease, poverty and lack. This is what Jesus came to show us. And even more. There is a reality that supersedes the one we are in. There is another, matrix, another level of existence that faith in God and Jesus Christ is suppose to bring us into.

Most of us give lip-service to it and think that it is done. It is not done until it changes our reality. You can say that you believe Jesus heals the sick a million times while walking around with a cancer hanging of your ear. It means nothing until that thing falls off in the Name of Jesus. Now your faith has affected your experience. This is why so many people who dramatically were healed become healing evangelists. They now are convinced that faith in God heals the sick because they have experienced it.

Our Kingdom reality must change our way of life. Our belief must change our way of life. Driving for a year on one dollar of gas is possible if we are willing to live, and let God put us in the vice of living, between the prayer and the answer. There is a tension, most of us wants to avoid, when you step out in faith. We read and like to tell and study the history of the hero's of faith but what we miss in all the excitement, is the process.

Most of the people we venerate and esteem as great spiritual giants did not do any of this overnight. Most failed miserably for long periods of time but kept going until they experience that for which they had been arrested by God's Spirit. We cannot assume to come into their slip stream without at least having the same tenacity and fire in our bones.

"If you can believe," Jesus told the distraught father, "anything is possible for those who believe". We call ourselves Christians because we think that it defines us as disciples of Christ. Christians, the anointed ones, but what we ought to be are believers. "Those who believe" the scripture calls us over and over again. Called to believe... When the disciples asked Jesus: What must we do to do the works of God? He answered: Believe in God and in His Son whom He send.

That seem to be to easy. Well, do it then! Believe!

Believe that Jesus meant what He said, about Himself and about us: the ones who believe in Him. Believe that He said that whatsoever we ask in His name believing we shall receive. Believe that He said we can speak to the mountain... Believe that He will give you all things... Just believe!

But do not say that you believe and then your actions make you a liar. If you believe in Jesus like He said, rivers of living water will flow out of your inner most being and a multitude will come to you to quench their thirst. The multiplication of the five loaves and two fish seemed to be an important event in the gospels. It is recorded in all four. It is here where Jesus gave the disciples the opportunity to put faith in action. He looked up to heaven, broke the bread and fish and divided it among the disciples etc. What did Jesus do... He took the reality of the Kingdom and imported it into this life. He demonstrated the reality of Kingdom of Heaven here in this place.

As He is so are we in this world. As the head goes, so goes the body. We are to do likewise.
We are believers. All that is required of us is to believe and let the believe permeate our action, experience and life.


Mark 16:14-18, John 1:12, John 3:16, Rom 4:11, 1 Tim 1:16,
John 14 :12, Phil 3:12, Mark 9:23, John 6: 28-29,
1 Tim 6:17, John 4:10-11 & John 7:38,
Matt14, Mark6, Luke9 and John 9,
1John 4:17, Col 1:18, Col2:19
James 2

The WOW effect. 

John 4 Jesus says to the woman at the well: a time is coming that the true worshippers will worship the father in spirit and in truth.

True worship makes people and angels fall down on the face because it brings the awe of God. It is the Wow effect. It is what leaves you speechless with only a cry coming from deep within that says: Holy! Holy! Holy!

There is just something in true worship that has the ability to transcend the pain of our human experience. It is this quality that had John Huss sing on the stake and other martyrs face the fire, the lions, the ax, the guiletine. the firing squad with joy and worship. It is this reality that brings worship into prisons despite the broken knees and legs and flesh-less backs.

True worship brings what is in Heaven into our earthly realm. True worship will go on forever and ever. In accessing this wow/awe effect we bring eternity into the here and now. We have this awesome reality available if we are willing to let go of religion, i o w right-and-wrong. Who really cares about all that when you are in the Presence of such greatness. The Awe/ Wow of His presence erases the crookedness in our inner being. It re-focuses our vision and transcend every weakness and limitation.

This is life everlasting. And it is accessible NOW!

Prayer That Avails Much....

The following is a chapter from

Preparing The Way by Cal Pierce.

May it speak to your heart as it did to mine.

The Genesis of the Burden: David's Heart

Many people ask me how I happened to receive a burden for reopening of the Healing Rooms in the first place, and I have to admit that it didn't begin in my own heart. It actually came from the heart of David, our youngest son.

When David was just seven years old, he was diagnosed with Duchenne type (pseudohypertrophic) muscular dystrophy, a disease whose common symptom is the weakening and wasting away of healthy muscle tissue. Duchenne affects children, and those who have it typically do not survive to become adults. By the time David was ten, he was already confined to a wheelchair, and he needed our help to do most things.

Michelle and I divided the labor in this regard. For instance, it was her job to get David up in the morning and get him ready for school, and it was my job to put him to bed every night. He had a motorized wheelchair and was able to get around at school and to wheel himself around the house. During the night, we would take turns getting up to turn him over every two hours so that he would not develop bedsores. By the time he was sixteen, David could move only his hands and his head.

As his physical condition deteriorated, however, David began to develop a heart after God. This was interesting, because my wife and I were stuck in a sort of religious mode at the time. We were Christians, but we were not very excited about the Lord and were not really praying like we should have been. We went to church on Sunday mornings and took David with us, but we were not interested in other services. Suddenly, David wanted to be in every service. He didn't want to miss the Sunday evening service or the youth service. I would load him up in the van and drop him off at church, and then I would go somewhere to have coffee, do some shopping or just walk around until he was finished. Then I would pick him up, and we would go home.

David's passion for God increased to the point that he would call me to his room each evening to help him get ready to read the Bible. I had built a special table for him that he could wheel his chair under. When he was ready, I would help him get his arms and hands up onto the table and then put the Bible where he could manipulate the pages of it. He would sit there and study the Bible for the next several hours.

After David had read the Bible for two hours or more each evening, then he would begin to pray. We always left his door open so that we could hear him if he needed anything, and occasionally throughout the evening, when I would pass by on my way from the television to the bathroom, I would hear him praying. He was actually interceding for others. He was praying for America, for his classmates, for our neighbors and for us, his parents and siblings. David had a heart for people who were hurting, and he felt their needs.

When I would hear him praying like this, my heart would break. Why didn't I know God the way my son did? He had such passion for the things of the Lord. Why didn't I share that passion? We had often given him opportunity to do other things, but this was what he wanted to do. In fact, this was all he wanted to do. Knowing God better was his sole desire. He wasn't interested in other things. He wasn't even interested in his sickness. It did not consume him, as is the case with many sick people. He was consumed with the desire for God.

Occasionally, as I was heading to work late in the morning, I would see David and his classmates in the school yard as I drove by. Most of the children were playing on the courts, but David was always sitting over by the gymnasium alone in his wheelchair. The thought of my son not being able to be involved in the activities of other children was one that devastated me personally. From David's perspective, however, this wasn't bad at all. Being alone and apart from the rest of the group, he could talk to the Lord. I had a hard time understanding his way of thinking, but I was deeply convicted by his deep devotion to God.

We had a large deck that wrapped around the house, and David was able to maneuver his chair out there into the fresh air when the weather permitted. We would hear him out there, going back and forth, talking to God.

One evening my wife and I heard David crying and rushed to his side. He had wheeled himself into the hallway. "What's wrong?" we asked. He said that he had a bad thought, and it was easy to see that this had broken his heart.That deeply sincere confession crushed me. I had many bad thoughts, but I had grown so calloused that I never let that fact bother me. David loved Jesus so much that having one bad thought had brought him to tears. Again, I felt ashamed of myself.

One day we asked David, " If you could have any wish, what would you ask for?" I was sure that he would say that he wanted to get up and walk like other kids and do things they were doing. That would have been very normal for any boy David's age. He didn't answer quickly. His eyes moved up and to the ceiling, and he looked there for a few minutes, obviously searching his soul for the answer. When he finally answered, it surprised both of us: " Nothing!" he said.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My son, who was practically helpless and had very little to look forward to in life, did not feel the need for anything at all. How could that be? I thought about all the things for which I might have asked, given the same opportunity, and they were many. But David was sufficiently filled by his knowledge of and his love for Jesus so that he didn't need anything else. How utterly amazing!

Throughout the seventh and eighth grades and on into high school, every paper David wrote for class was about Jesus. Jesus was his life, and everything he did was about the Lord.

Then, for a period in 1989, each evening, when I would go into David's room to get him ready for bed, he would ask me if he could stay up a little later because he had more that he wanted to pray about. Even though he had school the next day, each evening he wanted to extend this time even more. "Can I please stay up just a little later," he would plead. I think he would have prayed all night, if I had let him, but around 11:30 I would go in and insist that he just had to get some sleep so he could go to school the next day. David reluctantly agreed.

When I finally did start getting David ready for bed each of those nights, I would find that his clothes were wet from perspiration because of his exertions in prayer, so wet that they stuck to his body. Even his socks and shoes were wet.

After this had gone on about ten days, I asked David one night what was so important that he was exerting himself so in prayer. His answer amazed me. " We've been studying Russia in class, and I'm praying that the walls of Communism will come down so that the Gospel can go into that country and the people can be saved."

My God, I thought, how could such a young man have a burden like this? I had never prayed for the Iron Curtain to fall, and yet my sixteen-year-old son was doing it, and with such fervency. What motivated him?

Not more than thirty days after that happened, the lead story on all the news programs was that the Berlin Wall had been breached, and I saw the East German people pouring through it and tearing it apart piece by piece. I was overcome with emotion and began to weep. If the prayers of a teenager could have such an effect, surely God would hear me too. If David's prayers could shake a nation and tear down a wall, then I must begin to do my share.

Suddenly I desperately wanted to know God as David did. I cried out to God, "God, I want to know You, and I will know You in the way David does." The change I sought as a result of David's impact on my life did not come immediately, but it would come.

A few years later, before his twenty-first birthday, David slipped away from us and went to be with his Savior. One moment he was here, and the next he was gone. In one sense, Michelle and I were devastated. We had loved him so much. But in another sense, our cup was full. We felt very privileged to have had David in our home. He had left us with a vision, a vision to work toward the saving of America, a vision to bring healing to our nation and our people. In time, that vision would become clear.

Loved Ones......

We call them "Loved Ones" because we love them and they love us. It is a relationship based on love. We may not agree on much except that we love one another and that seems to me the principle thing.

I do not know much about building wooden structures but if you are going to build with brick you have to have a good, solid, level foundation. That foundation was given to us by God in Jesus Christ when God, because of the great love with which He loved us, send His only Son to die in our place so that an avenue to a personal relationship with God may be opened. That is why Jesus' only command was that we should love.

Yesterday a man passed on to Glory suddenly. He was not a great theologian - most of his doctrine was slanted and tainted - but he loved. He was an old coot who earned the nickname "Grizz" because he could be a bear - but he loved. He was not very rich or successful in business, we smiled at his schemes and ideas - but he loved. He was ornery and gave up on organized religion years ago but he learned to love.

I called him PapaDoc. He called me Kiekie. I am going to miss him sooo very much. Not because he was larger than life or had a huge part to play in my day to day life. Not because we were related by blood. Most people who know me, did not even know of his existence. No, I'm gonna miss him because he loved me and I loved him.

Why do we place so much emphasis on the point beside the point? Can't we see that God is love and those who live in love, lives in God. I don't care much about doctrine, because soon enough, when we see Him who knows everything, doctrine will pass away. Haven't we divided enough because of methodology or doctrines? We think in our arrogance and pride that we have it all together, yet neglect this one thing: Love God with all your heart and love one another as He loves us.

My heart grieves today as I remember PapaDoc. I wish I could have one more visit with him. Just one last e-mail or phone call. Just one more time hearing him say: Fhurekte Khaibe.
But all I have is those that are left behind... the loved ones.

Lovest Thou Me ? 



Jesus did not ask Peter to keep some doctrine or whether he understood and would promise to keep some command; He simply asked: Lovest thou me? I am convinced that through the tunnel of time into eternity the same words echo: Lovest Thou me?

God is not really interested in all the silly things we keep as so important, that we sometimes in hindsight have to shake our heads at ourselves in stunned, amazement that we let a thing that silly upset us. He does not care how much money, popularity or knowledge we have. He does not care if we miss it daily and struggle a lifetime with the same sin. No, He does not. He wants to know if we love Him and if we love one another.

Jesus gave us two commandments, ONLY two. Love God with all that is in you and  love one another as I have loved you . And then He says: if you love me you would obey My commandment. He is talking about loving one another as He loves us. Can we do this? Loving God seems easy if this second part is not attached.

The new testament teaches that if we say that we love God and hate our brother( or sister) that we are liars. - This does not mean that we have to stick around to be abused by some other person's brokenness. Since we all have some form or another of misinformation about the idea of love, let's just look for a minute at the way that He loves.

He left heaven, union with the Father, to empty Himself of all His divine attributes and live on earth as a humble man, a slave, and then allow His body to be abused and tortured to death; carrying in His soul the grief of our sins and twisted-ness, so that we can have the choice to sin or not. How is that for love? While we were His enemies, Christ died. For a good person that will accomplish good things, for our children, we may be willing to do this, but He demonstrated His love to us, in that He allowed this atrocity to be committed against Him, the innocent, while we were dirty, rotten scoundrels. To top it off, we can continue in our sin, if we so choose. ( We will reap the reward, the wages of our sin if that is our choice.) Maybe we would be willing to die for a sinner if he or she will promise to amend their ways... But He did not add any condition to His sacrifice, except that we believe in Him and appropriate His sacrifice to ourselves.

Can we really comprehend such unconditional love? Can we really wrap our hearts and minds around such a Savior?

This Love, this awesomeness, is enough to fill me up to overflow with love, adoration, gratefulness and worship. What do you do with a God like this? He loves me. He loves you. He is love.