Marriage – Christian Marriage

The way Christian Marriages have been handled through the ages have boiled down to basically two understandings: The husband is the king of the house. He has absolute authority and all else have to submit. The second is that husband thinks he is the boss while the wife manipulates and controls behind the scenes to get her way. This has often been referred to as a “Jezebel”.

Both these approaches are unbiblical, un-christlike and detrimental to the children trained in this environment.

First: We only have one God and Savior: Jesus Christ. We owe only this one our total submission. He is the only one who loves us perfectly and never makes any mistakes. Jesus said: “call no [man] your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven.” Matt 23:9. Was He saying that you cannot refer to your early male parent as “father”? Of course not, He was speaking about the authority we give people over our lives. It is easy to negate the responsibility for ourselves to another. We can easily blame all our failures on such a person. We can easily lay aside the responsibility to cultivate a personal relationship with God and let the earthly “father” lead us. Laziness disguises itself masterfully.

Husbands are the leader, the head of the household. How are you leading? Jesus said that those who lead in the Kingdom of Heaven should not Lord it over the people they lead. We are under-shepherds we are not kings, lords or masters. We are fellow servants. Peter wrote: “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with [wives] according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”  There are good leaders and bad leaders.  Family is our first congregation. How well do you lead this group into the fullness of God? We are all being built into a building of God, each in his or her place and function. “For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function,”  Phil 2:3 “nothing in rivalry or vain-glory, but in humility of mind one another counting more excellent than yourselves” -- -- “He who is leading -- `In diligence” Luke 22:25-26 “And He said to them, `The kings of the nations do exercise lordship over them, and those exercising authority upon them are called benefactors; but ye [are] not so, but he who is greater among you -- let him be as the younger; and he who is leading, as he who is ministering;…”

The question really ought to be: “What makes a Godly leader?” “How can we be Christ-like in fulfilling our call as leaders?”

Second. Manipulation and control is never a God thing. God never, ever manipulates. It simply is not His character. He is truth.  The evil one, the devil, is the deceiver, the manipulator. Genesis 3 He tricked Eve into disobeying God. In Matthew 4 he tried the same nonsense on Jesus and failed. If you find yourself “needing” to manipulate, ask God to intervene. You open yourself and your home to a multitude of evil by participating in this. You have to refuse to pick up the ball that was dropped. Refuse to act in an ungodly way. Refuse to be forced into a position that calls for deceiving, underhandedness. This may present hard choices. You may have to make sacrifices you would not have made, had the relationship followed Godly standards. How can you do this? By understanding what is your responsibility and what is not. Stick to what is your job. Wives (husbands), you are not responsible for your husband (wife) or children’s choices. You cannot make them do the “right” thing. You can pray for them, but if they cannot and will not live Godly lives you cannot step in and be the Holy Spirit in their lives. (This does not mean that parents should not train up their children in Godly ways. It is simply referring to their heart attitude towards God) This may be a fight. The fight may be in not letting our flesh dictate our actions or re-actions. The fight may be to refuse to manipulate. The fight may be to stop making excuses for the other parent’s failures. The fight may be for survival, to refuse abuse.

What is a balanced Christian marriage? It is a relationship where both grow into one another and into God by each fulfilling his and her purpose. It is a husband that leads in a godly manner and a wife who follows in a godly manner. It is where both husband and wife fulfill their God-given, God-ordained calling. It’s where one is not intimidated or threatened by the other. This home will not have one person as the all important ‘lord’ with the others dancing about trying to please this person. This is a place of love and acceptance. It is a place where the Spirit of God can operate freely because there is harmony and peace. It is the picture, the allegory, of Christ and His church.

We cannot be good in our human relationships when our relationship with God is askew. Each person has a responsibility to fulfill their God-given, God-ordained calling. We are responsible to use the gifts we receive to honor God. We each have a duty to obey God and live in relationship to Him. No-one else can do this for us.